Beyond the Wound

For many months I have been silent in the other blog because I am slowly transitioning to yet another milestone in my life. In due time, we expect another addition to our family! I have been keeping this blessing under the radar because I wanted to protect the soul of the baby (a Kabbalistic belief and an old Filipino practice too, I was told).

It does not feel right to speak about these personal, controversial and radical matters in the other blog anymore so here is the birth of one blog specially created for an advocacy I currently feel so strongly about - Birthing.

To launch, I am posting a powerful masterpiece entitled "CESAREAN, beyond the Wound" by an exceptionally talented Argentinian artist I found online thanks to Jhoanna Parvati. 

"The series is comprised by more than thirty photographs of women that had cesarean sections and some brief and precise commentaries from the protagonists. The images show the physical and emotional scar. They invite the viewer to contemplate the wound and to go beyond, to reach some sort of understanding and commitment for a respectful birth care."

 -Ana Álvarez-Errecalde



The images and message resonate with me because 6 years ago, I underwent the knife (against my wishes) for the birth of my son, Santi. 

Of course I had a detailed birth plan, went to Lamaze class with my husband and was determined to do a natural vaginal birth. You know what they say, things never go as planned. On the month of my due date, my water broke and we rushed to the hospital because we were told to do so, for fear of a dry and painful labor? I don't recall the reason. 

As new vulnerable parents, we succumbed to all hospital protocols without a fight. My husband was not allowed in the room with me because we didn't get a Lamaze room (back then we were on a budget and reserved a spartan room ---no special treatment for those who cannot afford to pay for one) so I labored alone for 17 hours strapped down to a bed with an IV and fetal monitor attached to my body. I did not know then that by the positioning of my body, I would not open so I stayed only 4cm dilated until the very end. There was a stranger in there at one point, an intern who I was annoyed at because he was glued to his phone sending text messages while I was in pain. The least you can do is be compassionate, I thought/screamed to myself, but I suffered in silence instead. 

Now that I am pregnant with my second child and prepare myself for another (more humane) birth, I learn that all those horrific circumstances I experienced at the hospital prevented me from having a natural birth my body was designed for. Unnecessary interventions result to unnecessary c-sections. I cannot help but to think and feel that my husband, Santi and I was robbed of this natural body experience, a somewhat rite of passage for our family.

This is what I am faced with, a return to center as I heal from old wounds from the past. In Kabbalah, they believe that circumstances will repeat in order for you to learn the lesson. I am blessed to come face my demons once again- in birthing myself anew. This time, I will fight for what is rightfully ours. May this journey into my becoming inspire other mothers and women wanting to be mothers in choosing a more gentle path for their babies. As Ibu Robin says, "Peace Begins at Birth".